Simone Reddington

Ever since we finally realised how severity of the coronavirus pandemic and the UK government put the country into lockdown on March 23rd 2020, everybody has needed to make changes to their lives and routines over the last two months. It’s a very strange and uncertain time, and nobody knows how long these changes that we have made will need to go on for. Of course it is very important that we all play our vital part in stopping the spread of this awful virus by staying at home and socially distancing, unless it is absolutely necessary, but this pandemic is affecting us all in different ways. Our society is made up of millions of individuals and no two people live the exact same lifestyle. We all have different views, different attitudes, different jobs, different passions, different upbringings and belong to different social groups. Although we are all following the same social distancing guidelines, it is important to remember that not everyone is in the same situation and we are all coping in different ways.

Before I share my own personal experiences living in the COVID-19 pandemic, I would first like to stress that I am aware of my own privilege. Since the theatre I work in closed following the government guidelines, I have been receiving furlough payments and moved back in my family in County Durham for the foreseeable future. They are still able to work and financially support the household, but thankfully none of us are working on the front line in busy supermarkets or households. At the time of writing, none of my family or friends have contracted the virus and I am extremely grateful for that.

Although it is lovely to live with loved ones again, it is very strange to be sleeping in my childhood bedroom in my parents’ house again at the age of 22. I moved out the age of 18 to go to university in Liverpool, where I stayed for another year and a half after graduating. My life was far from perfect before the pandemic, and I definitely wasn’t sure if I wanted to settle down in Liverpool for the rest of my life, but leaving my little studio flat and the friends I made in the city was hard as I didn’t have the time to properly say good-bye. I was very miserable during the first month of quarantine as I felt as though my independent life that I’d carved for myself over the last five years had been taken away from me, and everything that I’d achieved so far in my adult life was now worthless. It was as though I’d stepped back in time to being a lonely teenager again, only I was less naive about the world outside.

With all this free time to myself, I’ve become victim to my own overthinking, especially on a night when I’m just about to go to sleep. Every single memory of anything embarrassing that I’ve said or done in the past has came flooding back to my conscious mind (I just want to apologise now to anyone who has served me in a club when I was 18… actually I’m just sorry if you’ve ever seen me when I’ve had one vodka coke too many and you didn’t see the funny side) and I’m worrying about the future. How long will it be before I can work again? I’ve just sneezed, do I have coronavirus? Do my friends miss me if we’re not constantly having Zoom quizzes or posting cute letters through the letterbox like I’ve seen other people post on social media.

While these I’m no stranger to feeling anxious or lonely, the self care strategies that I’ve mastered over the last couple of years are now a lot less accessible. I can’t pop over to my friend’s house for a cuppa or a gossip. I can’t walk into town and treat myself to a coffee and a browse in the shops. I can’t even go to work and socialise with other people which often makes me feel a lot better. In the first month of quaratine, I found myself chain-drinking cups of tea and eating chocolate biscuits all day while I binge-watched Netflix. Of course there is nothing wrong with this (and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a lazy person anyway) but my parents, who are both key workers, did get frustrated and told me to do something productive that might prepare myself for getting a ‘proper job’ after lockdown. Although they meant well, this kind of tough love isn’t helpful. Everyone’s life has been turned upside down, and not even the British government or the top scientists could have prepared for this, let alone the thousands of people who may be have been struggling anyway. It’s perfectly normal to feel lost as we have no control over a global pandemic. All we can do is stay safe and be kind to ourselves and each other.

However it hasn’t all been bad and I’ve started to enjoy lockdown a lot more in the last few weeks. All this time away from the outside world has made me appreciate the simple pleasures in life and the people who matter. I’m reading more books and I’ve downloaded the Duolingo app to brush up on my French. I’m eating proper meals and found that I’ve not missed McDonalds at all. I’ve recently started jogging and I’m exploring the beautiful nature reserve that I’m so lucky to have within walking distance from my home. The reason why I’ve started blogging again is because I’m actually the most confident that I’ve felt in a long time. I’m normally a very sociable person but this time away from the outside world means I’m not comparing myself to other girls my age and feeling jealous of them being prettier, or having better jobs, or having more exciting plans to look forward to. Even when I log into Instagram, I’m not constantly looking at photos of girls getting dolled up for a night out or on holiday. For the time being I want to just concentrate on myself and embrace all the free time to learn and expand my mind, and hopefully become more accepting of myself. Although everything is shit right now and it feels like there is no hope, things will return to normal one day. Nobody has a clue what the post-corona future will be like, but wouldn’t it be lovely if we could use our experiences and what we have learnt during lockdown to be more understanding of each other and try to make the world a nicer place to live than it was before? I think we owe that to our younger selves who couldn’t wait to grow up and leave home.